Started journaling this April

For about the last two weeks I was in Montreal with my girlfriend, supporting her through surgery. It was a whirlwind of a trip, with lots of tears and smiles. On the day of her surgery, I found myself with a sort of mental backlog of things I felt like writing down while she slept next to me. The feeling got stronger with time and I hadn't packed a notebook, so on day 2 I got myself my first Moleskine. Since I was a kid, I have seen these notebooks as a luxury item because of their price point, but I am an adult now and it's no longer a dealbreaker (plus my curiosity was running the show).

My main thoughts when considering a journal are typically:

• it has to be blank- no lines or grids! I want my writing to wander around freely
• no fancy designs/imagery on the cover. I like my journals to be recognizable in colour and material alone
• it can't be too big, but it needs to be large enough to write in comfortably
• it has to have a hard enough cover that I can write while in bed/sitting with the book in my lap

This book ticks all the boxes. I like the hardy leather-ish cover material, and the (very) bright red. It's definitely the loudest notebook I own in terms of colour! I like the dimensions a lot; it's narrow and tall but not cramped, which means it fits in a specific pocket in my backpack. The cover is hard enough that I can write in it comfortably without a desk, and the paper feels good to me in that it's smooth- and not too thin.

This may all seem pretty banal but I cannot overstate how happy this book has made me so far. I don't typically get "writerly" the way I did in Montreal, but I love my notebooks and consider them to be important tools in my life. The feeling of writing in this one with a good ballpoint is really pleasurable, so I find myself interested in keeping up the habit of writing in it daily. I've typically been the kind of girl who says she's going to start journaling, done so for two days, and then lost interest. So far I've been writing in this one every day for a week!

A lot of my past hesitation about journaling has come from the classic "what do I even write" problem. I took creative writing classes; I know you just need to start with anything that comes to mind! It hasn't helped build the habit for me, though. I'm hoping that by just writing down simple lists of things I did in a day, I can build a robust enough habit that I actually fill out this book in its entirety and have a healthier access to my ability to write.

With that in mind, I impulsively found myself writing a very simple and short narrative passage the other day! I always tell people "I'm not a writer" but honestly, I wish I were and I know I could become a hobbyist with some focus. My problem with narrative writing is that I can come up with a story's middle section, but often get lost on beginnings or ends. Maybe that's fine for now though, and getting any words down is more important than just worrying about it.

This has been a bit of a meandering post, but that's kind of how I'm doing things right now... and it feels good! I feel like I'm flexing muscles I've let atrophy due to insecurity.